Massively stylised, funny in parts and more than a bit disturbing, Stoker is a bonkers mash up of Desperate Housewives meets Psycho schlock-horror. With a liberal dash of wildly inappropriate inter-family relationships thrown it.  Gulp.

Nicole Kidman is newly widowed and in her ice-queen element, never without a large glass of wine swilling in her hand (girl after The Sloth’s own heart). Mia Wasikowska is her Wednesday Addams-a-like daughter, all curtained dark hair, buttoned up cardigans and pleated skirts, with a propensity for hunting birds, stabbing high school bullies with sharpened pencils and moping around reading Victorian mourning manuals after her darling daddy’s death. Then handsome Uncle Matthew Goode appears on the scene from nowhere, flirting with Nicole and setting all the local school girls hearts-a-flutter. But Uncle Matt’s charming exterior hides a rather less savoury, mass murdering, foot fetishist and niece-obsessed interior. Obvs.

Shot with tons of panache in pale, ice cream colours, it has enough ticking metronomes, scuttling spiders and disappearing housekeepers to creep you out from here to The Bates Motel. We’d love to know what Freud would have made of it all. Whatever you do, take it with a sense of humour and a large dose of salt. Just don’t take your gran.

UK release 8 March